DADDY, WHAT IS MY WORTH?

Over the years, life as we knew it has evolved. Technology has made wonderful discoveries that have made life easier to live.

A century back we couldn’t imagine communicating with someone in Europe or American as fast as we do now. Yes, we had the landlines but that was a child’s play compared to what we have now. Now you can Skype and do video calls. You can practically communicate with anyone on the other end of the world as though they were sitting next to you.

This has been beautiful to experience. Being an 80’s child, living through the ’90s and now with the millennials, I have seen life transform itself to something unimaginable as at the time of my birth. We as humans have openly embraced these changes, adjusted our daily activities to include the use of gadgets and instruments of technology that have been made available to us.

Another aspect of our life that has changed is the fashion for both men and women. Men now wear fitted suits that make them look smart and boost their confidence, they have so easily forgotten their forefather’s tradition of tying wrappers and singlet. Even though we still use our traditional attires, we have revamped them, making them more suited for the times we live in and the activities we carry out daily.

So yes we have evolved with time. We have accepted technology into our society and customized our dress style to be appropriate for today’s world with all these having a positive impact on society today. But why have we not evolved in matters relating to the girl child?  Why is society unwilling to change the status quo as it concerns how a woman is viewed in society?

You think we have changed? well, I beg to differ.

In a particular culture in Nigeria, a woman is viewed as less than a man, even the ones she is older than. If a woman marries into the family, she is to call every male in that family “uncle” irrespective of their age. She is to cook for them at every and any occasion while still doing laundry for them when she has them staying with her.

It baffles me how a society that has so easily accepted technologies and internet has refused to view a woman as something more than a modern-day slave, a child of lesser value than her male counterpart. You will probably say this is peculiar to uneducated people but you will be so far off the truth. I remember telling someone to get a cook to prepare his meal to help out his wife and my educated friend’s reply was that ‘’ did I pay a bride price for the maid?’’. Does that mean a bride price entitles a man to treat his wife as the help? Sadly enough, this is one of my tech-savvy friends.

We live in a society were pastors are preaching that ‘brothers’ should not marry women that will not cook for them and we live in the 21^st century, were Jumia foods can meet all your food needs or Iya Basira can cook you a week-long food for a small token. Living in times wherein some homes, they live home by 05:00 and come back 23:00 and so they don’t have the luxury of time to eat or even relax to prepare a meal.

So why is our great grandfather’s idea of marriage still practiced in this 21^st century where we no longer accept several ancient traditions? Why is it ok to trade my grandfather’s wrapper for the white man suits? my grandpa’s telegram for a WhatsApp chat, even my headmaster’s bicycle for a Toyota Camry, but still very difficult to trade my grandpa’s patriarchy for Chimamanda’s feminism?

The lame answers I get back is, “it is our tradition!” And I asked, we once had traditions that killed twin in our society, we had customs that buried people with kings when they died and we offered human sacrifice to god’s at one time, where did all these traditions go?

Surely if these traditions are almost non-existence today and our forefathers are still lying in peace in the graves then the thoughts of equality and fairness in the treatment of a woman cannot possibly awaken them from their cold sleep of death.

We have accepted changes, we have evolved in our way of life and our society is better for it. It is time we stopped passing the baton of our grandmothers’ bondage to our daughters just so they can continue in this custom made marathon.

Feminism secures your daughters future even long after you exit this world. It ensures your grave will not be scarred by her tears when a man mistreats her. We should all be feminist for even if we aren’t all female. We have daughters, sisters, nieces, and mothers who will be better for it.

Cycle Of Life

In the two Storey building at the beginning of St. Jones Street, this is the conversation going on between a man and his son;

Papa: Why did you get a C in Mathematics?

Caleb: I don’t like Mathematics Papa.

Papa: What has liking Mathematics got to do with it? Can’t you see Ebuka the landlord’s son, he is always representing his school in  Mathematics competitions, does he have two heads?

Caleb: But papa I got an A in English and Arts, I like both subjects.

Papa: Oh, so you want to be like Nkem Owo, those men that did so poorly at school that the only way for them to make a living right now is to make a fool of themselves on television. You better sit up, I have already told all my friends that you will become the next Thomas Edison, that is why I am sending you to the best School in this city.

Two streets away from that, at Ajasin Close in new Heaven, a mother is talking to her daughter;

Mama: Oghale, Oghale, who is that boy you walked home with from school?

Oghale: Mama that is Bayo, the Senior Prefect in my school.

Mama: Keep quiet, do you think your father and I sent you to school to go and be playing with boys! You better concentrate on how to pass your JAMB exam and gain admission into the university so that a good man can come and marry you. If you like, be wasting your time with all these useless street boys.

Some 26 years later, in a bar at the end of St. Jones street, Caleb met up with his friend Bassey;

Bassey:  Oh Boy, did you get an interview invite from Shell?

Caleb: No. Did you?

Bassey: Yes, I got it this morning.

Caleb: Aah! so I have missed this one again. After hustling bus to Charms City, Ikeja to write Dragnet’s near-impossible-to-pass exam, I still didn’t get an interview invite.  This is like my 20^th Dragnet exam!

Bassey: Guy, calm down, your time will come.

Caleb: When will my time come, is it when am old and tired? See, Nkoyo my girlfriend of 5 years has left me and she is getting married to  James my coursemate working with Haliburton. When will it be my turn?

After Papa Oghale’s death, Oghale moved her mom to her three bedrooms apartment in Lekki. This is mother and daughter bonding as usual;

Oghale: Mama I have just been promoted to Senior Manager at my workplace.

Mama: Senior Manager, does the job come with a husband attached? My dear, time is not on your side, you better look for a good man to marry and stop all these work talks.

Oghale: Haba Mama, it is not my fault that I haven’t gotten married now.

Mama: Eh! it is my fault that you haven’t gotten married right, I am the village witch that is holding your husband!

Oghale: I didn’t say that mama.

Mama: Then what are you saying? Anyway, I saw that your childhood friend Bayo, he was driving a very big car. Do you still talk to him?

Oghale: Bayo, the one you told me to stop talking to when I was young, we don’t talk again besides, he is married with two kids

Mama: (Shakes her head) that is really sad, he looked so handsome in his car, he would have made a wonderful son-in-law. You could have kept in touch with him, you are no longer a child oh, you need your own man.

 

And so the universe heard both their prayers as Caleb got a job and then married Oghale.

Mama Caleb: My son you are not getting young oh, and time is not on my side too. You need to act fast.

Caleb: Mama, what do you mean?

Mama Caleb: I mean, I need to carry my grandchildren. My mother carried you when I was 22years. Your wife is 35years old already and I am still not hearing the cry of a baby in this house.

Caleb: Mama, we will get a child in God’s time.

Oghale walks in with nylon in her hands.

Oghale: Mama, good evening.

Mama Caleb: What is good about the evening? you have refused to give my son a child. All you do in this house is dress up, go to work and come back home with KFC Chicken. If this take-outs is what you are using to jazz us so we don’t complain about your bareness, it will not work again. My son needs a child and you can either give him or you let someone else do it.

 

And this is the cycle of life.

The books your parent wanted you to read as a child becomes what they claim has made you pompous in your adulthood.

The boys they chased out of their house are now the men they nagged you to bring home today.

You felt you have arrived when you got married but your in-laws are waiting for ‘Omugwo’.

And the cycle goes on.

So what is the point of this write-up?

Simple. Try to enjoy each stage of your life. Don’t let people’s expectations and timelines stop you from enjoying the euphoria of your victories. Celebrate your triumphs, nurse your wounds, enjoy the innocence of childhood, the raging hormones of your teenage years, the freedom you have as a single person and the joy of marriage. The time between birth and death is very short, don’t rush through life without experiencing the bliss in every stage. Live life to the fullest, love yourself, celebrate your strengths and own your flaws. Let no one put you down.

LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE EVER!

Cheers.

NJABA- The Spirit of The River

The first thing they ask you on getting to the small town in the east where I currently reside in is, have you heard of Njaba?

If you say no, they go ahead to tell you of the legend of Njaba. Njaba is a snake considered to be the spirit of the Njaba river. It is worshipped by some of the people and is not to be killed by anyone; strangers or indigenes.

There are some who says when Njaba is seen on the road, drivers are to stop and wait for it to cross the road before continuing with their driving. If you are caught killing the snake by a worshipper of Njaba, you will be asked to buy a coffin and do a funeral service.

I have lived here for one year but I never had an encountered with Njaba. It would usually be seen when I wasn’t around and I  started to believe maybe it was just a myth although I saw pictures of it from those who had seen it.

And then, one busy and strangely hot night, I had my first experience with the spirit of the river. My reaction to it was both excitement and fear. Fear because it is a snake for goodness sake and excitement for I have actually encountered what everyone talked about. I immediately fell in love with this particular Njaba, with its gold and black stripes skin, it was a beauty to behold.

The poise with which it moves was amazing to watch, like a model on a runway.  With no care at all in the world, unperturbed by my giggling at the background or the struggle of my companions to get it out of the drainage. Eke Njaba (phyton of Njaba ) was a wonder to watch. This for me was one of the beauties of creation and somewhat strangeness of tradition.

So being myself, I tried to take something out of this life experience and this was what  I gathered from the whole experience;

If only humans could be like Eke Njaba, with no care at all in the world. My companion says it had probably just satisfied itself with a rat and that was why it was not moving. And I thought to myself if only we as humans can be like this, enjoy our triumphs without hurriedly moving on to the next goal and also be unmoved by the praises or criticisms of others but simply basks in the euphoria of our success, cat walking through life while taking our time to savor every moment.

My brief time here, I haven’t heard of Eke Njaba hurting anyone. Brought up in the ever-bubbling city of Lagos, I have only read about snakes and the only image of it I had seen before now was on a television screen so it was a good one for me.

Njaba, the spirit of the river Njaba, protector of that which the people hold dear, as the river continuously flow so may your existence ever be.

From A Stranger in the East.