Religion, the Achilles heel of the ignorant

In Nigeria, every form of documentation requires you to state what religion you are a part of while providing you with just two options that is Christianity or Islamic religion. While filling most of these forms, there seems to be a nagging thought in my mind which was what happens to people who do not fall into these categories or does every Nigerian have to identify as a Christian or a Muslim?

As an adult, I can’t help but think this was where our problems started. We have never been able to describe ourselves without inputting religion and that is why we all hold strongly to it. With the power of religion comes the religious leader at the helm of affairs telling us what is right and what is not, addressing us from the pulpit every Sunday on how to leave our life with a know it all attitude and a confidence that display them as perfect without a fault.

Sadly many live in this bubble all their lives on earth holding no second thoughts to what the Imam says or what the Pastor preaches. Families have been ruin because of the words of respected men that have not grown with God through the times and many lives have been lost because the GOs have read the scriptures like a history book taken every letter literally leaving little or no space for the spirit of God.

Ever wonder why Jesus said he was going to leave the spirit of God with his disciples when he leaves. Has it ever occur to you that paul who wrote most books in the new testament did not know Christ while he was on earth. Some say revelation seized with the death of the disciples but I say the words of the bible became transformed in our heart by the holy spirit when Jesus ascended. So while many are reading the letters of the bible, true Christians are experiencing a transformation of the literal word to revelations that are relevant to their situations and the times.

As many following the instructions of their Father in the lord flood the churches in these times where government and health officials are advising social distancing, the eyes of a few are open to how dogmatic religion is. It brings to light the knowledge that very few have the experiential knowledge of the God they serve to talk much more of the beautiful friendship one can have with the spirit of God. The church was never about a building but rather the presence of God in communion with his people.

Unfortunately, very few people will get to experience what the apostle meant when he said this “That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at and our hands have touched–this we proclaim concerning the Word of life” (1Jh 1 vs 1). Christianity in its beautiful form with just a man and his God with no interference from a third party. If you have not had that then what you are enjoying is man’s religion wrapped with a Reverend’s scrolls on which is written men’s traditions and culture made presentable by a beautiful auditorium with symbols of a christ whose only desire is to dwell in your heart.

So sad, sigh.

The Alien Visit to Mankind

Two weeks ago you seem far away

News report of your destruction seems like an old man’s tales of his sojourn of yesteryear.

You never bothered my sleep or invaded my thoughts.

I don’t know if it was because I trusted in my melanin covering or my belief that our desert temperature will shrink you to nothingness.

But Alas, Wuhan that seems like a long lost relative became a friend I take solace in.

News about you became part of my daily meditations.

The dread of you makes us gulp down cough and closing our nasal borders to sneezing.

You brought a fear I had only before now read of.

Daily, the numbers of bodies you inhabit doubles as many more lose their battles with you.

You were the only one that got past armed guards protecting the mighty and the massive gates of the rich while not sparing the wooden shelter of the less fortunate.

You redefine our life, the borders we fight Buhari for closing became the comfort we took to bed.

We all embrace the lifestyle of our introverted friends and forsake hugs and shakes while only extending elbows.

Through all this, one thing is certain :

Like others before you, your visit is only for a while.

Your one time visa like that of every other stranger will expire,

We will use you to prepare better for your cousins that might visit in the future.

As water that flood Noah’s day became the beach for recreation and the fire of Nebuchadnezzar made heroes of the people of God

So will your temporary holiday make mankind better.

Enjoy the fear you now hold us with because your hotel reservation will soon come to an end.

The human race lives on.

Each For Equal

This year International Women’s Day (IWD) with theme  Each For equal was one of the first of this event I actively took part in. I know that might sound surprising with a few people pointing out that it seems hypocritical but I really do have my reasons.

I have before now seen events like IWD as fighting for preferential treatment for the female gender which I don’t think will help achieve gender equality  . The way I look at it we need to earn our place both at home and at work rather soliciting for it from the male folks.

This year although I actively participated, it only end up strengthened my viewpoint. Recent activity has seen many companies trying to balance the gender population in their workforce with many promoting ladies to senior management positions which is a plus for the female population.

My conversation with one of my boss brought a point to light. His opinion is if we make balancing gender a company’s goal, we might end up placing ladies who are not qualified for certain positions in those positions. He pointed out that this is going to put the future of these companies in jeopardy. I was forced to ask him if he can confirm that the ladies that are being promoted all across the countries to a senior leadership position are not deserving of these job roles and his reply was that he could neither confirm or deny that assertion.

I know a lot of feminists might take a defensive stand on his take, but I understand perfectly what he was saying. Women need to build capacity, grow through the ranks and be well equipped for any roles they may occupy in the future. We need to know that equality will not be given on a platter of gold but rather we need to come up top when place in a level playing field.

There is a need for women to empower themselves, prioritize their job just as much as they do their family which is what most men do. This belief that a woman’s major priority is her family and as such every other thing should be second is a mindset we need to reappraise. Both men and women need to make their family a priority and help out each other so they can both have a fulfilling career life.

Fewer women need to put their careers on hold to raise their children, more women need to be flexible as their male counter in terms of job mobility. We need to fight for longer paternity leave for men so the women can go back to work sooner after childbirth with husbands doing their own bit.

What women need is a level playing field and not favoritism. Not a group of men with condescending attitude grudgingly showing support for women during  IWD just to secure their job. Equality needs to be earned in other to command respect and have a lasting impact.

Quality supersedes quantity

How many children do you plan to have?

Have you thought about it? Beyond thinking, do you have a plan on how you will ensure you stick to this number?

I see a lot of people get pregnant suddenly that I am forced to ask if the pregnancy was planned. I have no issue with having children but I feel it is unfair to bring a child to this world if you are not financially, mentally and psychologically ready for.

It sadden me to see children growing up without being equipped with skills, education, and love that they will need to survive as an adult and I think this is because people don’t plan childbearing.

In this present world we live in, equipping a child is not just about sending him/her to just any school. The society is so competitive that for a child to be able to survive, there is a  need for him/her to attend the right kind of school and also have a variety of skills  which makes me  wonder why people are leaving conception to chance or fate.

Interactions with a few people have shown that a lot of people have great concerns about the side effects of contraceptives and so will rather try natural means or use no contraceptives at all.

I have no problem with natural contraceptives so long has it has been proven to work but not using any contraceptives at all is plain stupid.

I know the reservations and fear against it but most times people pick up these fears from others without a visit to a gynecologist. Yes, people react differently to these things but there are so many options that I  believe before you exhaust all the options, you will see one that works for you.

It amazes me that women are ready to do multiple cesarean operations that put their lives in danger than try a family planning method. As somebody said the fear and refusal to use contraceptives is like the fear of going out on the road because people die from road accidents.

This week I talked about it with my colleagues and I think this needs to be done in every workplace, or bars or religious houses. We need to have this conversation everywhere. Over two hundred  Million people in a country should trigger a need for proactive actions to control our population growth. Every person with knowledge about this needs to enlighten the people around them.

Whether natural or orthodox medicine methods, we need to deliberately start planning our family and the number of children to have should form a major part of this conversation. We no longer live in times when children are needed to work on the farm, now the average tuition fee for a good school is above a hundred  thousand Naira in Nigerian currency  which is  aside clothing and other extracurricular activities cost.

Every child deserves to be raised like a prince or a princess.  It is not just about giving them life but more importantly the quality of life.

Let your finances guide your decision, that you worked in an oil company after going to a public school does not mean your children will turn out that well. More people from your school did not make it to Shell or Chevron, many in your street never saw a university classroom. Let’s make better choices than our parents did. If you can’t give them the quality of life they deserve, maybe you need to reduce the number of them you want to churn out.

And please don’t use religion and tradition to justify stupidity, our grandfather’s ideas were perfect for their time. Our own decisions needs to take into account the peculiarity of our time. Every child deserves the best.

Excerpt from the Diary of a Realistic Romantic

I love weddings, let me say that again  so you are not confused

I love weddings not marriages.

That is not to say I hate marriages but weddings I love.

why you may ask,

Because of the mood, happiness, joy ………….

Nothing unites a family like the wedding day.

Don’t get me wrong this feeling is not without motive but for one day people just forget their strive and come together.

Love music in the air, everybody beautifully dressed with only the bride adorned like a princess.

Friends from far and wild parked in a venue with the smell of delicious meal dissipating people’s problems while the excitement in the room helps one forget the pains of yesternight.

Of course, we will pick up our problems and go back to last night’s pains but that will be after we see culture perform the magic of turning two people to one.

So many longs for these brief hours, most with little thoughts of the marriage ahead. Sufficient for each day is the evil thereof that is a slogan for some. I am yet to see a bad wedding day, yes I know there is always food issues and other forgivable family issues but we never think of that when the couple walk-in or are dancing. All we feel then is happiness and joy.

This write up is not  to use innuendos to rubbish marriage but to actually express what weddings do for me and yes there is something else;

We plan weddings for say 1year give or take, the actual events will be like  10 or 12 hrs  but it changes the rest of our life afterward; whether for Good or Bad.

So for me, I want a marriage that is a livelong wedding with Joy, happiness,  laughter, music……..

A marriage that makes me oblivious to the everyday issues, numb every ache in my body, that exhumes sweet smell that keeps my abode delightful with emotion gushing out like the lyrics of a Whitney Houston song.

Simply put I want a marriage that is an everyday wedding.

Fairytale you say, maybe but I want what I want.

 

from a realistic Romantic.

The 6 Whys and their how

Why does bad things happen to good people?

How come the universe does not reward Sincerity?

Why are  good  men not spared  from the challenges in the world?

How come  a good man’s fears often becomes his reality.

Why do virgins suffer barrenness  and non-smokers die from lung cancer

How is it that the hard workers are poor and the pious are lonely

Why are pastor’s children sinners and Reverend’s wife Gossips

How come nerds are jobless and professors are losers .

Why did Abel die young and three generations of Terah  battle with childlessness

How come the black race suffers inferiority complex and a black person always play the victim.

Why does the wicked carry their great grand children and Heroes die young.

How is the irony of all these not what is obtainable

Why is this so and  how can these be resolve

Sigh, such depressing thoughts

iwọ si jẹ ọta rẹ ti o buruju

You always think you know what you want until you meet what you need

Different from all you imagine yet perfect for you.

Real, no façade and true

Wrapped with intelligent conversation that stimulates your mind

While it is plain, it bears no pretence with zero entitlements

During this brief encounter you wonder if this could be it

Sadly not all the boxes are tick

and you wonder?

Could the empty boxes be the compromise or the deal breaker?

But I am who I am

So I withdraw directing the touch somewhere else while the spirits of the night whispers in my ear

iwọ si jẹ ọta rẹ ti o buruju

Of a truth I am my worst enemy.

IJIYA-Sufferings of a Child

The first time I saw Ijiya, he was like 8 months old.

This beautiful fair skinned woman held him in a faded fabric that could easily pass for a rag.

I was stuffed between 3 other people at the backseat of a Danfo.

The heat was intense and sweat was dripping from our bodies,

Unusually enough, the Danfo had no odour or maybe our noses were just accustomed to the smell.

Yes, back to Ijiya. I barely had a glimpse of him but I saw enough to tell he was a handsome child.

“Mammy”, as I would later hear him call her, moved from window to window using her eyes to plead.

She didn’t say anything but with a slight smile on her face, she cajoled us to give her money.

8 months and this is the best Mammy can offer her child?

There is no difference between my one-year-old niece I left at home and Ijiya

But this is the world Mammy birth her child into.

If there is an option will she take it? Will Ijiya be ‘ok’ with that option?

5 years later, under Ijora Bridge, I saw Ijiya again.

How I knew it was him? Mammy was 3 steps behind him.

With a smile on his face, he said Aunty give me something.

I was eating Boiled Corn and he stretched his hand to get me to give him the half eaten cereal.

I gave him 10 naira note and he happily took it to Mammy who put it in her waist purse.

I wondered again, if Ijiya could have been spared this sad adventure, will he be OK with it?

4 years after our Ijora Bridge encounter, my hustle is starting to pay.

I was in my company’s car and my colleague who was driving shouted.

“Leave my windscreen, don’t clean for me.”

The red light turned green and I heard someone shouted, “Ijiya, lets try the jeep coming behind.”

And the boy who was trying to clean our windscreen in traffic zoomed away like flash on a rescue mission.

Then it struck me, aah! that was Ijiya! Now a big boy but as before, hustling on the street of Lagos.

Again I thought to myself, what if it was legal and accessible?

Maybe Mammy will do it and just maybe Ijiya will be ok to not have this experiences at all.

3 years later, I think I have arrived

Driving my 07 Camry XLE, I was throwing my refuse at the dump site not far from my house.

Alas, it was Ijiya with a metal rod in his hand and a small trolley, he was hunting for scrap metals and electronics at the dump site.

He should be around 14 years old now but he looked older.

My nephew of same age attends one of those international school,

I remember visiting them last week and with my ghetto self, I bought roasted corn and coconut and Dariye or DY, as we call my nephew, asked me what I was eating.

He took a bite and choked on it, Aunty why is it so hard, I laughed.

Then again, I wondered, will Ijiya stand a chance in this life, when he will be competing with kids like Dariye?

Is it even fair to put these two kids in a recruitment process? what am I saying?

It can never happen. Dy and Ijiya paths will probably never cross!

And I almost asked Ijiya there and then,

What if Mammy had done it?

Ijiya you will never know this struggle, this hunger, this fear and suffering you go through every day.

You will never feel pain but then you will not know this life either.

A couple of months ago, Alabama Governor signed into law, an anti-abortion law. Social media went ballistic as everybody had an opinion on the matter. Many were pro-life and so saw nothing wrong with the law, females spoke with the summary of their opinions being My Body, My Decision.

Almost everybody in Nigeria can relate with the story above, you must have seen a beggar with a child at one time or the other.

This is the life of a lot of kids. The Niger kids we see under Ijora Bridge, the Nigerian kids we see at Ojuelegba and so on. People might be poor but they will still have sex. You might say contraceptives will prevent it but am sure you can think of one time when you or someone you knew was fasting and praying that their monthly visitor who always dresses in red will show up. So sometimes contraceptives might not work, at those times should abortion be an option?

I understand pro-life but should the quality of life not matter? Mammy introduced her 8 months old child to begging and that was what most of his childhood was all about. He never knew any different.

The question is, If Mammy can spare her child this ordeal, will society with its self-righteous and hypocritical laws not allow her to do so?

And finally, if you are a guy, if Ijiya’s options were the only ones you had, will you still speak so much against abortion as you do now?

Does abortion provide an alternative for people whose other option is to bring a child to this world to suffer from birth to death?

Musings of a Curious Mind.

Let the Law Have its way

The people who do this to us are usually people that are close to us,

That is why we don’t see this attack coming.

Most times they are close friends, uncles, aunts, friendly housemaid or even our spiritual leader.

They often try to break down the defenses we have put around us, we get so comfortable in their presence that we see them as our God-sent angels.

But why do they do this to us? They take the innocence of a child or a teenager just getting to terms with what adulthood feels like.

I will like to ask Uncle F why he couldn’t go for someone who will give her consent. Why force yourself on the innocent. Some say it is the devil while others hide under the canopy of we all make mistakes.

But these mistakes are just one too many. Sister B will never be the same after Uncle F’s mistake.  She will never act like a normal teenager, she becomes withdrawn and will come out strange as she matures into adulthood. People will call her weird and sometimes angry; her overconfident friends will say she has low self-esteem. She probably will never be able to enjoy that experience again. There will always be a distrust for the opposite sex. The future spouse has his work cut out for him and there is a good chance that he/she might just cut them loose except they are fortunate to have brother T as a spouse.

Unfortunately, finding a brother T is not as easy as the yard people makes it look,. Most victims just settle with their dysfunctions and accept that they will never be normal again.

Someone said the solution is not to raise a shy child, let your children be outspoken but I can bet my lives earnings that most victims were not born shy but withdrawal becomes of a coping mechanism.

So what do we do to the likes of Uncle F? Many have said forgive, dress properly, don’t throw yourself at handsome men in the position of authorities but sadly, I feel this will not put an end to this barbaric acts. Perpetrators should be punished to the full extent of the law. Local hospitals should be flooded with rape kits, doctors should be made available to do an examination on victims ASAP. Semen and DNA samples should be obtained from victims, the place where the event took place and from the victim’s clothes.

This is a crime. We do not preach forgiveness for a murderer or a thief neither should we call the covering of grace for this matter. Whoever has uncontrollable urges should see a doctor or find a way to cope that doesn’t involve ruining other peoples lives. Uncle I love you with the love of the lord but you committed a crime for which you should be punished. It will not bring my innocence back but it will tell the next brother infected with this virus to look for a vaccine in the hospital and not in the pussy of a young girl barely able to spell the word sex.

Thank you.

DADDY, WHAT IS MY WORTH?

Over the years, life as we knew it has evolved. Technology has made wonderful discoveries that have made life easier to live.

A century back we couldn’t imagine communicating with someone in Europe or American as fast as we do now. Yes, we had the landlines but that was a child’s play compared to what we have now. Now you can Skype and do video calls. You can practically communicate with anyone on the other end of the world as though they were sitting next to you.

This has been beautiful to experience. Being an 80’s child, living through the ’90s and now with the millennials, I have seen life transform itself to something unimaginable as at the time of my birth. We as humans have openly embraced these changes, adjusted our daily activities to include the use of gadgets and instruments of technology that have been made available to us.

Another aspect of our life that has changed is the fashion for both men and women. Men now wear fitted suits that make them look smart and boost their confidence, they have so easily forgotten their forefather’s tradition of tying wrappers and singlet. Even though we still use our traditional attires, we have revamped them, making them more suited for the times we live in and the activities we carry out daily.

So yes we have evolved with time. We have accepted technology into our society and customized our dress style to be appropriate for today’s world with all these having a positive impact on society today. But why have we not evolved in matters relating to the girl child?  Why is society unwilling to change the status quo as it concerns how a woman is viewed in society?

You think we have changed? well, I beg to differ.

In a particular culture in Nigeria, a woman is viewed as less than a man, even the ones she is older than. If a woman marries into the family, she is to call every male in that family “uncle” irrespective of their age. She is to cook for them at every and any occasion while still doing laundry for them when she has them staying with her.

It baffles me how a society that has so easily accepted technologies and internet has refused to view a woman as something more than a modern-day slave, a child of lesser value than her male counterpart. You will probably say this is peculiar to uneducated people but you will be so far off the truth. I remember telling someone to get a cook to prepare his meal to help out his wife and my educated friend’s reply was that ‘’ did I pay a bride price for the maid?’’. Does that mean a bride price entitles a man to treat his wife as the help? Sadly enough, this is one of my tech-savvy friends.

We live in a society were pastors are preaching that ‘brothers’ should not marry women that will not cook for them and we live in the 21^st century, were Jumia foods can meet all your food needs or Iya Basira can cook you a week-long food for a small token. Living in times wherein some homes, they live home by 05:00 and come back 23:00 and so they don’t have the luxury of time to eat or even relax to prepare a meal.

So why is our great grandfather’s idea of marriage still practiced in this 21^st century where we no longer accept several ancient traditions? Why is it ok to trade my grandfather’s wrapper for the white man suits? my grandpa’s telegram for a WhatsApp chat, even my headmaster’s bicycle for a Toyota Camry, but still very difficult to trade my grandpa’s patriarchy for Chimamanda’s feminism?

The lame answers I get back is, “it is our tradition!” And I asked, we once had traditions that killed twin in our society, we had customs that buried people with kings when they died and we offered human sacrifice to god’s at one time, where did all these traditions go?

Surely if these traditions are almost non-existence today and our forefathers are still lying in peace in the graves then the thoughts of equality and fairness in the treatment of a woman cannot possibly awaken them from their cold sleep of death.

We have accepted changes, we have evolved in our way of life and our society is better for it. It is time we stopped passing the baton of our grandmothers’ bondage to our daughters just so they can continue in this custom made marathon.

Feminism secures your daughters future even long after you exit this world. It ensures your grave will not be scarred by her tears when a man mistreats her. We should all be feminist for even if we aren’t all female. We have daughters, sisters, nieces, and mothers who will be better for it.